“What a man can be, he must be.” I’ve always gravitated to this quote from Abraham Maslow. So much so that I’ve modeled much of my work around this concept of evolving – helping a client evolve. But this evolving is not through heroic acts of discipline and will. No. Rather, it is a graceful, natural evolution. The clients are then returned to themselves – naturally
In a FaceBook post I mentioned feeling overwhelmed at the magnitude and depth of issues a client once presented. I was simply not strong enough nor wise enough to know the best way “into their system,” the best way to intervene. Fortunately I remembered I didn’t have to be the “doer,” the one who reorganizes the client. Only one person could do that. Any guesses who? The client? Yes!
Clients, everyone, possesses their unique higher order or self organizing system. This higher wisdom knows the most graceful way to assist the client in evolving past their issues. A good therapists function is simply to access the higher wisdom residing within the client. A poor counselor, no matter their noble intentions, attempts to impart their bias of how the client “should” be. This approach fails miserably, as it should.
An inept counselor can get a client to parrot the wise (not really) insights they shared with the client. These insights, however, have nothing to do with the client truly changing, truly evolving. Parroting insights is a waste of time for everyone. Worse, it taints the therapeutic process and can retard real growth. The last thing a client needs is to see a counselor and stay stuck.
I know, this is all sounding pretty theoretical. In actual practice, it isn’t. Indeed, it’s highly pragmatic, powerful and effective. All I have to do is access the clients higher order and along with the client, get out of the way. Harmonious change then naturally flows through the client, transforming their system and establishing a beautiful equilibrium. Goodbye stress. Goodbye resistance. Welcome to living with a graceful ease.
My role is one of a catalyst. Through advanced NLP techniques and other methodologies, the client and I access their higher wisdom, unleash it and then get out of the way. The change that then spontaneously occurs sometimes borders on the miraculous. The client and I are both surprised. I sometimes feel like a midwife observing and facilitating a beautiful process, a natural process. A process I am not responsible for.. Rather, I am privileged to witness the process.
Does initially serving as a catalyst require skills. Sure. However these skills are in no way responsible for the clients unique higher order or wisdom. This is innate to them – to everyone. Is my style of counseling the only way to access their higher order? Hardly. Run, do not walk, from any helping professional who professes to have the one true method to help you evolve.
Remember, we are more than our artificially imposed limitations. So much more.
So sit back, fasten your seat belt and enjoy the ride. Know your very cells are primed to evolve. We’ll both just make sure we stay out of the way!